


to say "i love you," and mean it

by gotham_ruaidh



Series: Gotham Writes for Imagine Claire & Jamie [32]
Category: Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-15
Updated: 2016-03-15
Packaged: 2018-05-26 19:28:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6252535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gotham_ruaidh/pseuds/gotham_ruaidh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Imagine Jamie telling Claire he´d married Laoghaire, after she finds him in Edinburgh, but before going to Lallybroch...</p>
            </blockquote>





	to say "i love you," and mean it

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted at [Imagine Claire & Jamie](http://imagineclaireandjamie.tumblr.com/post/140452972949/imagine-jamie-telling-claire-he-d-married) on tumblr

A full candlemark passed before she spoke to him again. If he thought the twenty years they’d been separated was a long time – it was nothing compared to the tension and anguish and anger that had suffused the room since his confession. 

She’d struck him – and he’d let her. She’d cried, and he knew better than to comfort her. She cursed at him, with language as foul as anything he’d ever heard – and he listened. Not daring to fight back. Allowing her space to process. 

After her outburst, she’d curled into a ball on the far side of the bed, back facing him, hugging her knees. And although every fiber in his being called out to her – screamed to just get over himself and hold her – he knew that even touching her would lead to an explosion. 

So he waited. And waited. And waited. 

Penance for his sins. 

“I understand.” Her voice was hoarse, choked. Hearing her grief brought him physical pain – right there, in the pit of his belly. 

“You sent me back to Frank. I lived as his wife until he died. I shared a bed with him. I turned to him, when I needed it. And you’re not holding that against me.” 

He nodded – then realized she couldn’t see him. “Aye,” he said softly. Carefully. 

She rolled to face him – hair all frizzy about her face, bushy like a lion’s mane. Her face was red. Blotchy. Wetness shone on her cheeks. Her nose dripped. 

She had never been more beautiful to him. 

“I can’t hold it against you, either. I understand. You – you were lonely. Rootless. At least I had Bree as my anchor – you didn’t have anyone.” 

He nodded, heart in his throat. 

She pursed her lips, contemplative. “I hate that it was her, Jamie. But she was there. And I wasn’t.” 

Slowly, tentatively, he reached one big hand across the quilt. She watched him. Let him rest it atop her own clenched hand. Did not flinch. Did not turn him away. 

“I’d ha’ never done it, had I know what she did to ye, at Cranesmuir. I – I’d rather cut my eyes out than associate myself with anyone who has ever done ye harm.” 

She slid her palm out of his grasp and gently twined her fingers with his. 

“I know. I trust you, you know. I always have.” 

He folded himself to lie facing her, atop the quilt – still holding her hand. Still maintaining their connection. 

“I have to go to Lallybroch, Claire. I have to deal with this. There will be a stramash – there always is, when I go back. And now with you – ” 

She eased closer to him – so close that she rested her forehead against his. He heaved a great sigh and closed his eyes, breathing her in. Still not believing that she was here, with him, in this terrible room at the brothel, where they could hear a transaction being so enthusiastically conducted on the other side of the wall. 

“Sshh. _We_ _will_ deal with this. _We_ _will_ go home together.” 

Sanctuary. She was his home. His strength. His courage. 

“It will be terrible.” 

She kissed the tip of his nose. “I know. But we’ve survived greater tests.” 

He inhaled deeply – drawing in her scent. Grounding himself. 

“We have, haven’t we? And yet, here we are.” 

They lay silently for a long moment – listening in rapture as the whore’s customer reached a resounding conclusion. 

And then they burst out laughing.


End file.
